The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.” Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.“Who’s that woman with Moishe?” asks the wife.“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.“Ours is prettier,” she replies.✧ ✧ ✧A JEWISH DIVORCEA Jewish daughter says to her mother “I’m divorcing Nathan.” “All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece.”Her mother says, “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman. You live in an 8 bedroom mansion. You drive a $250,000 Ferrari.. Then a poster sent him a private message. And it was a woman! ChicagoVixenV was her username. She said she loved the story! He thanked her in his reply. Then he got another private message. In many ways, my frustrations were worse than yours. I won’t go into details yet. I was a virgin until I was nineteen. I saved myself for marriage. Then I got married. And within six months, I found that the bastard I’d saved myself for was cheating on me! I dumped him and I got the marriage annulled. As soon as it was official, I whored out like crazy for over two years. I love all kinds of sex, but now I’m responsible with it. If being a virgin is your problem, I’d like to help you. But I think that’s just the tip of the iceberg. And I think I can help there, too. I’m serious… ‘William.’ In confidence, I’m giving you my cell phone number. Call me. — V James was stunned, but wary. Why did she put his false name in quotes? He held his iPhone and stared at it for over three minutes like it would.
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